Sunday, July 23, 2006

Nearing break point.

Sometimes, i just feel like i'm trapped in a prison.
My room is my cell, and my dad is the police warden.

Its like he uses the golden rule.
"This is my house"......
Whatever comes after that is irrelevant, since he can come up with a million permutations to make it my fault.

Is it just really my fault?
Am i a selfish piece of shit?
Or am i a victim of strained relations with my parents?

Its not as if i go out of my way to irritate the crap out of them.
Sometimes i can be a pain in the arse for them,
but why does it seem that the ocasions i try to be a good kid do i get screwed?
And i seem to be escaping conseguenses each time i really, genuinely am an ass?

Sometimes i feel perfectly at ease with them, able to tell them stuff.
But majority, there is this invisible brick wall which i just can't muster enough strength to break.
Its like as if we are playing broken telephone, the message doesn't seem to get across.

More often than not, i hear myself yelling or adding an explexitive before my point is taken.

Its like trapped in this cell of solitude, where i have to be on my guard.
One wrong move could be the spark to ignite a war of words between myself and any member of the family.

There so much tension nowadays.
When any of us comes home, i don't greet them, nor do they greet me.

Even during meals there are problems.
Sometimes, Both parents can't be bothered to wait for me to eat.
They'd just eat theirs and leave me to rely on my hearing to decipher the clashing of utensils to know dinner has beemn served.
They wont even tell me its dinner time.
Worse is when they say dinner is served and then tell me to go bathe or some other creative excuse to delay me.

I know i should be grateful for parents who can provde,
more so for the fact that there are parents there and that i'm not an orphan or some shit like that.

The truth is, i am grateful.
but sometimes, i just feel so lost, that i resolve to talking to the computer because i don't think anyone really gives a shit.
I mean, i'm not the only kid out there who has stained relations with their parents.


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